Had a bad day

I'm sorry, Qin, Jo and Jess.. I just couldn't help it..I couldn't stop feeling depressed and nothing you all said got into my head. I'm sorry for making you all worried and for spoiling the evening. Really, there's nothing much that anyone can do for me..the most is just being by my side an walking with me til this ends. I just pray that I can overcome this and that you all can tolerate me for a while more...

For the past few days, it seems like I'm void of emotions...what the heck, I didn' t even bawl my eyes out when adam sandler died la! It wasn't like this last week. I was still laughing and kidding around. Yeah, it was weird at that time to be so high..but I was. I can't even smile now! GRRRRR....!!!

This is so..what's the word? Demoralising? Draining? Depleting my brain cells?!!

I know what started it off..but now..I don't know what's there that's keeping me so...unhappy!

Oh my goodness...everything is crashing down on me now.

Okay..alright, maybe I should move on and not stay so darn pessimistic.. Click was great! Everyone should watch it!! I think my dad should catch it...Michael is the my reel life dad man..

Right. And oh...I must emphasize again that I'm super...lag..

See, I was about to refill my bottle..then I said to Qin who asked me to help her do something.. ,"Wait, I need to un-open my bottle.."

"okay..I'll wait"

Then she paused, I paused and looked at each other...

Me: Un-open is right what...why you look at me like that?

Qin: Un-open is close la!!

Me: No...un-open is...Un...oh yeah hor..

Qin and me: HAHAHAHAHAhahhahahahHHAHA!!! *guffaws like we're the only two people at the cooler when everyone was staring at us..*

I want you to hold me and tell me everything will turn out fine and that you'll always be with me....


Drained

16th August 2006..I'll always remember this day as the day I donated 400ml of blood!! Wahahaha!! And it's not as scary as people make it out to be..the only painful part of the entire procedure is the waiting. Ha! okay la..honestly, only the injection of anaesthetic was pain..then after that is nothing at all! I'm going to drag all my pals to donate..it's for a good cause! Oh..and I signed up to be a regular blood donor. Guess I'll be a blood cow.

Besides being physically drained...I'm spiritually and mentally drained..very very..Brain drain..

For every night the entire week, I only had an average of 3 hours of sleep. And that to me is like eating a green pea for each meal to someone who really enjoys food. SIGH! Vicious cycle man...every morn I feel groggy and grouchy.. Afternoons are better..at least I get high sometimes. Then late afternoons are when it really hits me bad. Headaches and stuff..Nights...my bed is my motivation to complete all my work! But hardly anything gets done..

Aiyo..how to go on like that?! I can't stand myself whining!! I wanted to slap myself this morn la..sickening. But I just couldn't help it!

Not only that..I don't feed myself spiritually as often as before..No time is just a lame excuse!! But I really need to get quiet time into my system! Maybe that's why I'm feeling so tired and DRAINED!!

GAH...PLUS! I look terrible..

I have a lot of pictures to upload!! But no time to post! Guess I'll just have to wait til time finds me..

Okay..horrendous week! Someone...make my day!

Ohoh!!! Jess and Jojo and Qin!! tmr for 'Click'!! lalala~


I kissed dating goodbye

I felt that it was the right thing to do.. "I'm just not ready." What a thing to say when it's more than 10 months into it. But honestly, it'd be unfair to him to carry on. With all my other commitments and my priorities...he's hardly, and very sadly of course, part of my life.

To you..

It was so hard to hear you say you're alright just to let me feel better. It was worse to see you holding back. I know it's not easy to let go of something that we once had. And that also means we had something which was beautiful and precious, that's why it's hard now.

I'm sorry too...For not being the person I was supposed to be. Like I said, I'm really not ready for committing my life to another. It's selfish..I know.. But the continuation of it will only make both of us unhappy and frustrated. I hope you don't have too hard a time explaining it to your side. You tell me not to worry..but how is it possible when..

And like what you said, thank you for all the wonderful times. Although there were valleys.. (lame example, i know) there were more mountains that surpassed the skies. =) You gave me a chapter of my life that'd be most unforgettable..

I hope you find peace and contentment...happiness too. Glad we're still friends, but we'll still need time to adjust.

Goodbye, my love

I'm fortunate to have my family with me now...There, a family portrait!!

Qin: Eh deb..squat behind leh..

Me: WHY??!!

Qin: you're part of the family too what!!

Yupp...it's time to play 'Count The Pigs In The Picture'!!

Sort of my collection of pigs..they're my dawg, my man!!! Always there for me... =)

And since we're at it..why not take more pictures of my lovely familiar, hence comforting room?

My bed...My source of comfort..without my bed, I'd be a grumpy old hag. (yup, that's me holding my bra..haha!!)

Poster wall!! Sad..so nice and colourful!! And I won't have the opportunity to make my room to teen-like and cheery anymore!! BAH!!! Ohoh..the fan is placed strategically..to block out porn.

*horrors* I bet some people would just freak out upon seeing this horrid mess..that's me for you. MESSY!! But the pic's nice leh.. Ha nar qin, you're a GOOD photographer!!

And my very very messy table...was clearing up..if not it'd be messier!!

The view from my window..wonder how long more do I have to look out and take it all the familiar details..

Rapture night

The three of us!! (don't comment on how fugly I look okay!! I tell you, I'm not in the mood to deal with this!!)

Jojo's happy!! okay, I'm saying it again, I LOVE HER SMILE!!

Failed attempt at trying to act emo... turned out all wrong!! I look like some dimwit!!

LALALA....me and Jojo..

Enjoying our ice creams..

YUM...

What would I do without them... (^add jess)

OKAY... I should be blank-o-ing myself out of this pic...

Haha..after yvonne helped us take this photo, she asked," Deborah...is your face supposed to be like that?"

Me: Yeah..I was screwing it up..

Oh wells.

Life goes on.... Oh...have to thank qin for putting up with my dramatic mood swings and for being right there from the moment I got back home. What would I be doing without you, that I don't wish to think too much about. But yeah, thanks man.. and eh!! How can you not tell me about everything between you and leon!! Okay la, kidding...do what you're comfy with..

Thanks to kelvin Gor gor too... your advice and presence were...priceless.haha.....and dinner at pepper lunch was way good..haha!! Although I don't like cooking my meals, but yeah..got beansprouts! =)

A lot of stuff happened during the lack-of-updates period.. Ocip camp(2 hours of scubbing every inch of the cafe, endurance run-1 hr 12 min 7 secs, night walk from 4am to 7am, followed by station games til the afternoon, picking red/green/brown beans/rice/barley grains from the field, 4 hours of interrupted sleep, and endless..really endless scoldings from the seniors..all to toughen us up.. well, my turn next year...muahahahaha!!!!) , touch farewell, ocip results, common test results... But don't feel like writing it all...can't remember a lot anyway..

So yeah..I'll update as often as I can!

Taking a step back

Sigh..

I can't have my cake and eat it. Miss K's ME lesson really woke me up today..thanks man. Although she can be..tempremental and stuff..she still made a lot of sense. At least to me. And I really feel I desperately need to prioritise, if not i will, as she put it...drown.

Anyway..shall not dwell on unhappy thoughts..really happy that Kelvin Gor Gor can make it for dinner tmr..thanks ar.. =)

Qin tagged me!

Currents:
Current mood: confused and disturbed.. hopefully getting calmer
Current taste: taste in what??!! food? Beef, beansprouts, chocolate..aiya..a lot of stuff!! cannot possibly write everything down!
Current Clothes: Meaning? what I like to wear now? FBT and shirt! the most comfy and brainless get-up!
Current toenail colour: Nude. erm..beige la
Current time: 11.25pm
Current surroundings: Living room..familiar and comforting
Current thoughts: Which one should I give up?

Firsts:
First best friend: Guess? No prizes for right answer lo...The person who tagged me la!!
First Crush: Ohmytian!! Do I really have to say this?? Okay..fine. The very first was my corner corner!! haha..okok...Dom la..
First Movie: Cannot remember. I think is Lion King.
First Lie: I've never lied!! (there..that's my first!)
First Music: The self-composed lullaby my daddy would sing every night.=)

Lasts:
Last cigarette: Never in my life!
Last Drink: Saturday night..sweet..
Last Car Ride: Yesterday..from school to home.
Last crush: Hmmm...cannot say!! not crush la, just eye candy. Hmmm whipped cream!
Last Movie: Pirates of the Carribean
Last Phonecall: With des..
Last CD Played: Hillsong, United We Stand
Last song played: Still playing...Bills bills bills by destiny's child

Have you ever:
Have you ever dated one of your best friends?: QIN?! Dated??!!
Have you ever broken the law?: Hmm..nope~ I'm a good girl!
Have you ever skinny-dipped?: I'm a good girl!!
Have you ever kissed someone you don't know?: I'm a good girl!!!

5 things you are wearing: Shirt, hairtie, clip, shorts, nail polish
4 things you did today: Ran 3.2km, pondered about my future, Ate, talked about what's going to happen..
3 things you can hear right now: Music, loud voices, myself drowning..
1 thing you do when you are bored: Observe my surroundings.

5 ppl I tag:
Anyone who wants to do can do!!